but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
