I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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