so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
