Got a toothbrush?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
