Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
