The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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