you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
