Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
