Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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