dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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