The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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