What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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