This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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