i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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