this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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