It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize