he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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