i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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