everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
