dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
