his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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