I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
