They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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