he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
