Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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