i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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