I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
