Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
