Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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