Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
