My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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