so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
