dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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