Jerry, you need to find god
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
