how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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