I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
