I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
