We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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