When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
