i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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