So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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