i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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