so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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