Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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