I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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