Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
