I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
