If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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