i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
