walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
