I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
