I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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