I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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