ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
