Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
