I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
