So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
