I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
