You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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