bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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