dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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