Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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