dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
