Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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