What a fucking waste of an outfit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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