I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The ass gains better be worth it
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