Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
