I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize