I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Houston, we have a squirter
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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