He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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