The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
