Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize