She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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