I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
