My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
