What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
