UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
