and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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